Much of our life is spent navigating, negotiating, and pursuing relationships of all kinds. We strive tirelessly to connect and to love, yet ironically, fear often pushes us to reject what we yearn for the most. This internal conflict can be observed in many struggling relationships and failed marriages, where the fear of vulnerability outweighs the desire for connection. In a spiritual context, this echoes the relationship between humanity and the divine; while there's a divine longing for love and acceptance, man often prioritizes self-interest, creating a barrier to true connection. This tendency to elevate personal desires can lead us into a cycle of fear, isolation, and shame.
How then can we free ourselves from this emotionally destructive cycle?
By intentionally fighting our own selfish proclivities while committing to not walking this path alone. Psychological liberation arises when we transcend our selfish tendencies and cultivate genuine connections through trust and vulnerability. After all, humanity is fundamentally an attachment-based species.
Whether or not you are religious, ancient biblical wisdom, like Proverbs 3:5-6, offers guidance on this voyage. Proverbs encourages us to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart" - Trust is the foundational pillar of any meaningful relationship, and without it, we will never sustain the relationship we most desire. Trust fosters a sense of security, enabling us to share our true selves without the fear of rejection. "Lean not on your own understanding," suggests expanding our perspective, recognizing that growth often comes from humility and a willingness to learn. “In all your ways submit to Him” — through submission, and in this instance it is to God, we embrace humility, which allows us to learn, grow, and consequently become more likable. “…He will make your paths straight...” With humility comes clarity in life's voyage, bringing us back from distorted ways of being to the narrow paths. This literally attracts others to the confidence that arises from a clearer sense of purpose.
So what does this all look like?
Start with what you want, which is typically a healthy relationship, and to get that we need to build trust. So we need to humble ourselves enough to gain new insight, understanding, decreased defensiveness, and a more narrowed path to walk. Why opt for narrow paths? Wide paths often lead to distractions, making it difficult to concentrate on the people who truly matter in our lives. This, in turn, hampers the cultivation of crucial relational skills that can only be developed through dedicated and focused attention.
If your goal is to be likable enough to nurture healthy relationships with those you desire, then choose the more focused paths. Yes, this requires you to forgo other options and sacrifice certain desires. However, this approach not only enhances your relationships but also improves all other aspects of life. Experts are created by concentrating their efforts on a select few areas, honing their focus for deeper understanding and proficiency. The same principle applies to the relationships we want to succeed.
So Now What?
Start by reflecting on the inner self, acknowledging strengths and weaknesses, and asking for grace when faced with failures - Note: asking for grace is not license to be an idiot. Build a supportive community that can aid in fostering trust and provide companionship on this voyage. As with any pursuit of significance, the path is fraught with challenges. So, if you are the prayerful type, seek fortitude in the face of trials as this is crucial to making it through.
WARNING: Embracing this journey wholeheartedly can lead to thriving both in personal relationships and the broader voyage of life. Go at your own risk!
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