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Eddie Eccker, MS, LMFT

Don't be a Spectator in Your Own Life

In this modern age, we are bombarded with countless ways to tune into, literally, the entire world around us. From the internet of everything in the palm of our hands to the big screen in our living room, we are captivated by reels, social media, YouTube, video games, news, reality TV, and more - there is no shortage of digital content to keep us entertained. But beneath the surface, these digital diversions carry a subtle danger. We risk becoming spectators in our own lives, spending more time absorbed in digital interactions, watching others succeed and fail, sucking on whatever the screen has to show us, and being distracted like those in a. From my observation, the lack of engagement is as if we would rather be spectators than engage with our own lives, families, and personal goals.


Life is more then a Colosseum
Life is more than a Colosseum

How Spectator Culture & Technology Shape Our Lives

The allure of “spectator culture” lies in its ability to provide fleeting enjoyment and inspiration. However, excessive consumption can take the place of genuine, meaningful connections. It’s easy to lose ourselves in someone else’s story, but we must not forget that our own lives are equally worthy of being fully lived. Technology has played a significant role in fostering passive engagement with the world around us. We’re no longer just spectators at concerts—we’ve become quiet observers at family dinners, on date nights, and even during moments meant for personal reflection.

Family Finally Engaged

Balance and Boundaries

Striking a healthy balance in our tech-driven world requires us to establish boundaries. Psychologically, this means fostering awareness and promoting intentional connection. Here are some strategies that can help mitigate technology’s impact, encouraging healthier relationships and more purposeful living.


  1. Establish Tech-Free Zones and Times

    Creating designated tech-free zones or periods—like “no phones at dinner” or screen curfews an hour before bed—gives the brain a break from digital engagement. It’s a simple but effective way to prioritize real-life connections and encourage meaningful conversations with family and friends. These moments provide the space to deepen bonds and nurture presence with loved ones.

  2. Implement Digital Detox Days

    Scheduling regular “digital detox” periods, whether a day each week or just a few hours, can be surprisingly impactful. Disconnecting helps everyone become more mindful of their screen habits and encourages a shift toward offline activities that enrich well-being. This practice invites you to experience life without the constant buzz of notifications and endless pings vying for your attention.

  3. Practice Goal-Setting and Self-Awareness

    Setting personal and relational goals helps redirect focus from passive consumption to active engagement with life. Identifying specific goals, like learning a new skill, improving health, or enhancing relationships, shifts attention toward growth. Tracking progress gives a sense of fulfillment often more rewarding than the passive consumption of endless scrolling or streaming. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be a zombie or have a relationship?” and see how your priorities align.

  4. Cultivate Mindful Technology Use

    Ask yourself, “Why am I picking up my phone or turning on the TV? Am I escaping something, or am I seeking intentional entertainment?” Mindful questions like these can highlight the purpose behind screen time, helping people make choices that align with their values and needs. Practicing awareness in tech habits fosters intentionality, letting us engage purposefully.

  5. Encourage Shared Activities and Hobbies

    Developing shared activities or family traditions is a powerful way to nurture connection without screens. Whether it’s cooking, board games, or a family “challenge night,” these experiences create lasting memories and strengthen relationships in ways that digital interactions simply can’t replicate. The wise have always known that building on solid ground requires effort and not just good intentions.


Reclaiming Presence and Connection

The goal isn’t to eliminate technology or entertainment but to dance with them wisely. By setting boundaries, cultivating self-awareness, and creating intentional spaces for family and personal connection, we can shift from spectator to participant in our own lives. If we remain distracted spectators, we risk losing our ability to engage meaningfully - if you don't use it then you lose it. Each small effort toward presence builds a life richer in relationships and personal fulfillment, balancing the benefits of technology with the essential human need for connection. After all, any good builder, without exception, knows that creating a solid and meaningful life isn’t just about avoiding mistakes but about having the wisdom to learn from them and the courage to prioritize what truly matters.

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