As far as I am concerned, marriage is one of the most meaningful journeys two people can take together. It’s not an overnight feat or a ready-made masterpiece handed to you on a silver platter. Instead, it’s akin to building a house—meticulously crafted, brick by brick, with resilience, love, and dedication. A truly secure marriage isn’t born from luck or innate skill; it’s built, moment by moment, through intention, perseverance, and grace.
If we’re being honest, navigating marriage requires effort—difficult and daily effort. Some might call it a dance, others an adventure, but whatever the metaphor, there’s no such thing as a flawless choreographer or seamless roadmap. And here’s the truth no one talks about openly enough—security in marriage isn’t a gift you stumble upon. It’s something you actively create.
When the storms come—and they will—what determines whether your house stands strong or crumbles into chaos hinges on your foundation. So, how do you build that foundation? How do you find true security in marriage, and more importantly, how do you sustain it when nothing feels certain?
Let's break it down.
Marriage Is Built on Choice
At some point, as you go through the ups and downs of daily life, you must ask yourself: “Do I still choose this person?” Not on your wedding day, when you were caught up in the euphoria of saying “I do.” Not during picture-perfect times when everything felt easy. The real question arises during tough moments—conflict, fatigue, or the chaos of raising kids and managing careers.
A good marriage doesn’t rely on the stars to align or serendipity to step in. It is rooted in intention, in waking up every day and deciding that this relationship is worth showing up for—especially when it’s hard.
What Does Choosing Marriage Look Like?
Growth Over Autopilot
A secure marriage requires constant growth. No relationship thrives on autopilot. Pursue personal betterment and put effort into your partnership, knowing that the work never truly ends.
Prioritize the Bond
Ask yourself, “Does this choice honor our relationship?” By placing your marriage above distractions and ego-driven reactions, you strengthen your foundation.
Turn Intent into Action
Saying “I want a great marriage” is as ineffective as wanting to lose weight while shoveling fries into your mouth. Small, consistent actions matter more than wishful thinking—acts like kindness, attentiveness, and patience build trust and connection over time.
Marriage is a choice—a deliberate one. It’s built over small moments and quiet acts, not just big declarations. Want it. Claim it. Work for it.
Humility and Courage Are Non-Negotiable
If choosing marriage is the foundation, humility and courage are the essential tools that bring it all together—the nails that hold your house in place. Without them? You’re building on quicksand.
Humility Isn’t Always Easy (But It’s Necessary)
Listen, nobody is perfect at relationships. Nobody. And if you’re convinced you’re the exception—well, there’s your first sign you might be wearing the armor of pride. Humility involves admitting your flaws, owning your mistakes, and giving your partner the space to be imperfect, too.
Here’s the kicker—pushing to win an argument isn’t a victory. It’s a loss. Because when pride takes over, trust and connection erode. Humility whispers, “Stop pointing fingers and start focusing on repair.” It’s about listening not to rebut, but to understand.
Courage Isn’t the Absence of Fear
Marriage takes guts. Courage is showing up for the hard conversations, confronting the distances between you, and tackling the fears you’d rather ignore. No, courage doesn’t mean you’re fearless—it means you choose to engage despite the fear, frustration, or sadness.
Humility and courage together create emotional safety, rebuild broken trust, and allow intimacy to deepen.
Forgiveness Is Key
Here’s another punchy truth—relationships are messy. Mistakes will be made, hearts will be hurt, and intentions will sometimes miss their mark. Forgiveness is what allows your marriage to move forward when the weight of resentment is holding it down.
Does forgiveness mean pretending nothing happened? Nope. It means acknowledging the hurt, taking responsibility, and choosing to mend. Refusing to forgive, on the other hand, is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.
Choose forgiveness—not to excuse the hurt,
but to free yourself and your partner to rebuild together.
Secure Attachment Is the Glue
If security in marriage had an instruction manual, attachment theory would be Chapter 1. Secure attachment isn’t about flawless communication or never making mistakes—it’s about creating trust, being emotionally available, and repairing what’s broken.
The Three Pillars of Secure Attachment
Consistency and Availability
Are you emotionally there for your partner when they really need you (even if it’s inconvenient)? Showing up reinforces trust and anchors your bond.
Emotional Validation
A little validation goes a long way. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings, even if you don’t fully agree with their perspective.
Conflict Repair
Every couple argues. It’s not the disagreements that define you—it’s how you heal afterward. Repairing conflict takes humility, courage, and the willingness to rebuild trust.
Secure attachment doesn’t demand perfection; it demands commitment.
It’s the glue that holds you together when life tests your foundation.
A Marriage Worth Fighting For
Marriage isn’t easy—it was never supposed to be. But it is one of the most rewarding endeavors you can take on. Security in marriage doesn’t come from luck or effortlessness; it’s the product of showing up, wanting it, and doing the work—day after day, moment after unglamorous moment.
When you chose your spouse on your wedding day, you promised “‘til death do us part.” But marriage demands living those words daily—through the small, quiet actions that say, “I choose us.” Making coffee when you’re tired, sending an encouraging text, offering a hug when words fall short—these are the moments that build a resilient marriage.
Marriage isn’t perfection; it’s a pursuit.
Final Thoughts
Finding security in marriage doesn’t happen by chance. It takes wanting it every day, stepping into humility, showing courage, and nurturing secure attachment. It’s not about getting everything right; it’s about showing up and trying again when you don’t.
Remember—your marriage is worth the effort. Every small act of love, patience, and commitment matters. One step at a time, together, you can build something unshakable.
Choose It - Build It - Keep It - Repeat
Comments